The Story so far…

Well hey! I’ve been meaning to get this onto paper for a while so here it goes! You’re probably wondering who is this girl and what is this all about? Well settle down. I’m about to try and give you a (very shortened) account of my sporting journey over the past 2 ½ years (January 2018- June 2020). 

Where this all began…

I’m a rower. But I’m not going to go into the details of how that got started. Because that is another long story. Since the age of 16 I picked up an oar and started my quest to become good at something. My goal was to represent my country after watching the 2012 Olympics… like many others (surprise, surprise). I rowed at Bewl Bridge in Kent where my family home is until the age of 18, when I moved to Oxford to start a degree at Oxford Brookes University in Sports Science. But if i’m entirely honest I was only going for the rowing!! Being one of the leading university rowing programmes in Europe it seemed like the best place to accelerate my progress. And that it did. 

University 

In my 1st year I basically learnt how to sweep, (row with one blade) having predominantly sculled as a junior athlete (one blade in each hand). Within the year I became a double British University Champion (BUCS) in the W8+ and W4-, later going on to win the European University Championships in the W8+ in Croatia (2016), and qualifying our boat for the prestigious Henley Royal Regatta in the process. Making history as the first full Brookes women’s 8+ to race at the regatta. I gained invaluable experience and made friends for life. 

My 2nd year at Brookes featured increased time in smaller sweep boats. And a shifted focus on trailing for the Great Britain Under-23 Team. At the start of the year I recognised having a shot at making the team was probably out of reach, but nevertheless I started trailing in a pair to gain experience for the following years. The trials and tribulations this season presented, I could write a book on, but again that is something for another time! To cut a long story short myself and pairs partner did make the team (by the skin of our teeth) and gained seats in the GB U-23 W8+ for the European U-23 Championships in Poland (September 2017). A long, hard and hot summer of training resulted in us becoming European bronze medallists. 

Returning to university 2 weeks later I was ready to tackle my 3rd year feeling refreshed. A good training block saw PB’s after PB’s and an invite to Sierra Nevada altitude camp with the GB U-23 and Development team. I was thrilled, a great camp to help me move on with my physiology, (which I desperately needed). I’ve never been an athlete with a huge ergo, and relied on my ability to make a boat move okay-ish, so this was a valuable opportunity for me.

The beginning of the end…

Sierra Nevada is notoriously known for being the hard camp that GB athletes go on. It’s purely land-based which means 3-4 sessions a day of ergo work, S&C, athleticism, swimming, team games, walks, the list goes on. I was tired pretty much every second I was awake, and the amount of calories consumed must have been ridiculous as I ended up putting on weight whilst training 4 times a day. However, I did survive and I actually really enjoyed the whole experience. 

I returned back to England and had a few days off to recover before heading back to join the squad at Brookes. I remember thinking I could survive any training they threw at me now I had got through that camp. I had learnt alot about training and myself in the process. And I was excited to bring that back into my everyday training environment. However, within 2 days back at Brookes I (unknowingly at the time) sustained a back injury, and the first injury of many in my saga over the past 2 ½ years. 

Injury time 

I was on the ergo and everything went stiff and solid – my body felt alien. I got off and tried to roll out the tightness, but nothing worked. I thought it would be ok in a few days so went on the bike , and took a trip to see the physio. 6 weeks later when nothing was progressing I was sent for an MRI scan, which confirmed an annular disc tear and slight bulge (L4-5), and a old bilateral pars fracture (L5/S1). Not great news, but not awful, given we are in March at this point so there was still hope for the upcoming season. 

By May nothing was any better, in fact it was worse. Spending 6 days a week on a bike and hammering the S&C movements I could do, I now had a further injury (left hip posterior labral tear) confirmed by a further MRI scan. Same old, back to rehab i went, smashing the physio sessions and doing everything i could to the best of my ability. I felt pretty helpless at this point with what felt like not enough guidance on the training I should have been doing. But it’s no good looking back and thinking ‘what if’.  Watching my friends and housemates train and compete was also now getting pretty hard, in fact I felt  sick most of the time, and didn’t realise how much a sport meant to me. 

In August 2018 I got referred to have a cortico-steroid injection in my hip joint. Finally things were moving! And I was attempting to following a ‘return to rowing’ programme the physios wrote me. My body still felt nowhere near ready for this, but I was desperate to get back to rowing, so gave it a go. At this point I had no idea how I’m feeling anymore. On the way home from the hospital I felt excited by the prospect that this might help me, but then I got a phone call from my coach explaining they were leaving next season. So excitement quickly turned to sadness and anxiety of having a new coach who wouldn’t know the full story. I felt increased pressure to prove myself, when my body was nowhere near capable of any rowing performance. Again, a very helpless feeling.

Return to rowing Pt 1 

A month later I returned to Brookes and slowly began integrating into the mainstream programme. Things were bumpy, but progress was happening, albeit slowly. Taking 1 step forwards and 2 back, did start to pay off and by Christmas (now nearly 1 year since the first injury trauma) I managed to complete a 2 km test, and get a PB! What is going on! I was the fastest I’ve ever been, yet still felt so broken. 

Inevitably after the high of the 2km there were major roadworks again. Back to the horrific pain I would feel every waking moment. And not being able to stand up for longer than 5 minutes without feeling like my whole body is twisted out of shape. Everything was a struggle and at this point my mental resilience was diminishing. But i’d been through so much, so i continued and 6-8 weeks later made it back in a boat again. I was at a good level for a few months until one session on the river where I felt the worst pain I have ever experienced.

Pain 

I couldn’t even support my own body weight in the boat (sitting down). I crawled onto the launch, and in my head pretty much made the decision that enough was enough. I was tired of living on a knife edge the whole time. I wanted it to stop, and I wanted to put my health first over a sport that had caused me so much physical and emotional pain for too long.

I wrote an email to everyone involved explaining how I was feeling and why I could no longer carry on. I felt relieved. Finally I had taken back control of the situation, which  I felt had control over me. I stopped rowing just like that, and hoped the pain would disappear. But surprise, surprise it just got worse. And finally after all of this i was referred to see a hip specialist (Bit late in my opinion). 2 weeks later i was under the knife and having my labral tear repaired. 

Pre and Post Operation 

It was a strange time pre-op because I strangely felt the best I had for a long time, and questioned my decision whether I really needed an operation or whether it was all just in my head. Thankfully, after the op the surgeon told me half the socket was unattached and it would have just continued to get worse if an intervention had not occurred. So that put my mind at ease slightly. 

The next 6 weeks were a bit of a blur. I managed better than I expected mentally, and was very patient in allowing my body to recover. But it was the normal life stuff that I still struggled coming to terms with not being able to do. Such as walking! As time progressed I became more and more down about the whole situation. And ended up becoming quite depressed, and very restrictive with food and the things that i could control in my life. The summer of 2019 is not one I will ever forget because of this. 

Canford 

In September i moved to Canford and started a job as a rowing coach. It was kind of a saving grace really (literally!). All of a sudden I was really busy, and I couldn’t be as restrictive with food because it was all being cooked for me. But that’s when things turned a little darker, and I started using exercise to combat my feelings (even though my hip was nowhere near ready for it). I struggled with pain for a good few months because of this as well as the active nature of the job. But slowly things did start to get better and by christmas (Now nearly 2 years since first injury trauma) I started to feel more normal. 

So what’s happening now? 

Since December 2019 I have gradually built up my tolerance of rowing. But every time i got on the machine i questioned whether i should be doing this or not. And every time I had a new block to sit on, a new wedge under one side of the footplate, and I was trying different ways of moving to see what my hips and back didn’t mind doing. I adapted everything to find ways around my numerous injuries. If i’m honest, my body didn’t like what I was doing, but gradually the mileage increased and nothing major was going on with my body. Every time i had tried to rehab back before i had hit a certain point where i would have to stop, and i kept surpassing my expectations – So i continued. 

During lock down I spent at least 3 hours a day training via running, cycling, rowing, strength and conditioning. As well as working on my mobility,movement patterns and watching countless physiotherapy videos in an attempt to give myself the best possible chance. Recently I’ve got back in my boat and things have felt the most normal since my very first injury encounter. I still have pain, but it’s nothing like what I’ve been through. 

What I’ve learnt

Rowing is more than a sport. It brought me so much happiness and made me feel liberated. That winning feeling is like no other, and fighting so hard to achieve something makes it so much sweeter when you do eventually get there. But injury has taught me so much more. It taught me how much sport means to me, how ingrained in my DNA it really is. How to cope with things, how to pick yourself up time and time again and how to relate to people. It’s opened my eyes to the world around me. Not everything goes to plan sometimes but it’s how you start over and move in a different direction that makes the difference between stagnation and progress. If something means enough to you, you will always find a different route, even if it takes two or three times as long to get there.

I hope you have gained some insight into my journey. My aim now is to help people through similar situations from drawing on my own experiences.

Much Love

G x